Cry Me a River Read online

  They both gasp as if I just told them I was a serial killer. “You can’t take her!” Darla jumps up, catching the table with her thighs making it lift a little. Alan reaches for her hand and tells her to sit down.

  “Why would she live with you? You’d take her from her home, the only familiar place she’s had as a constant in her life?” Alan asks.

  Remember, they lost their daughter, they’re grasping for straws, I remind myself. “I’m her father, that’s why. She is legally my daughter and I want her to live with me. You see how she reacts to me when I’m around. You can’t deny me my daughter.”

  “We’re not denying you anything. Don’t you think this is a little soon? She lost her mother a few days ago.”

  Everything in me wants to scream and shout to shut the fuck up and give me my daughter. Alan and I are going to butt heads all day I can tell. “Alan, I know she lost her mother this week. You both act as if I don’t care; you know I do, I want nothing but the best for Lucy. Don’t try to act as if Lucy is better off with you. I’m not the one who was a junkie.”

  Darla sits back down, a look of determination on her face. “Caide, honey, we want the best for both you and Lucy. You don’t want to take her tonight do you?”

  Suddenly I’m honey? “No, I’m calling a service to come decorate her room and get it all ready for her. I still have her nursery set up for a newborn; it’s time to get it ready for a toddler. Don’t think I’m going to keep her away from you. I want her to have you in her life and I’m sure you want the same thing. I want you to be at her birthday parties and her dance shin-digs. This isn’t a good-bye, but it is notice that I want my daughter to live with me.” I’m proud of myself for not jumping up and down and pitching a holy-hell fit.

  Alan’s face is a deep crimson red; his blood pressure is probably elevated. “What is your timeline?” He runs his hands through his hair nervously. His nose is too large for his face, one of the traits I prayed Lucy wouldn’t have.

  “I was hoping to have her with me within a month. Sooner rather than later.”

  “We’re planning a road trip to the mountains next weekend, but the following weekend you can come visit her,” Alan says slowly.

  Darla’s mouth falls open, her eyes bulging, her nose crinkled up, adding a few years to her face. “What are you doing Alan?” She glares at him as she spits out the words.

  He pats her hand and assures her everything will be fine. I sigh in relief.

  After a few minutes, it’s agreed on that I’ll pick Lucy up for dinner on Thursday evening. Thank God I’m finished with them. I can live the rest of my life without another one of Darla’s pissed off looks and Alan’s sneers.

  Erin the nanny and Lucy are sitting on the floor with a box of blocks. Instead of making Erin leave, I join them. She’s kind to Lucy; I can tell they have a bond. Looks like I should ask Erin to work for me. I wonder if she minds coming out to the beach. Before I talk to her about it, I need to make sure I won’t fuck her.

  Her face is young; she looks fifteen, not really my thing. She has the wholesome looks of Jennifer Lawrence, with dark hair. She’s tall for a girl, almost as tall as me. My dad would call her a tall drink of water. I’m six feet and rarely look a girl eye to eye without heels on. She’s tan, probably from the Country Club pool and she doesn’t have on any make-up. Even though she’s cute, she’s not my type. She seems to be a straight-laced girl, which is great for Lucy and even better that I feel comfortable to have her nanny at my home. I’ll have to keep Stewie away from her though. “Hey Erin, how long have you been working here?”

  Her eyes go wide as if I asked her what her breast size is. “Well, ah….I’ve been here for a few months.” Her accent is British, I didn’t catch it when she took Lucy earlier.

  “Are you a live-in nanny?”

  “Yes, I live here. I stayed in my room when Miss Heather was home and awake. Well, ah…if she was sober. I like Lucy very much Mr. Caide. It’s sad what happened to…”

  “Yeah, I know. Try not to say her name, I think it will be easier on little Goosey Lucy,” I say and I lean over and pull Lucy into a hug and tickle her.

  Erin stayed and played with us. Her interaction with Lucy was cute and full of happy laughter. I stopped myself a couple of times from calling out for Heather to come and see how cute Lucy’s being. I’m not happy they’ve hired a nanny without giving me any say-so over who is the primary care giver of my daughter, but it’s not worth fighting over. Erin’s a nice girl and I will offer her the same job with me. I guess I better buy a car for her to drive Lucy around town in.

  Everything was perfect, until Lucy started to get tired and cried for her mama. My heart felt as though it was ripping away from my chest-wall. I rocked her and held her close, until she calmed down enough to feel comfortable about leaving. I turned and noticed Darla is in the doorway watching us. I abruptly stood up and told Lucy I’d be back to see her later in the week. She doesn’t know the difference between this week and last week, but I try to give her a timeframe. My dad always told me to be the kind of man I’d want my daughter to date one day, because girls tend to find men like their dad. Watching Lucy cry for her mom made me angry at Heather and I wanted to get away. Before I gathered up Lucy’s things and shoved them in my car and ran away with her, I decided it was time to go. Relief washed over Alan’s face as I headed for the door. I wanted to turn to him and tell him to kiss my ass, but I didn’t. Darla stood at the door and waved good-bye to me as though she and I were best friends and she hated to see me leave. Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Darla, and your stupid house and dumb-ass neighbors!

  ____________________________________________

  August 11

  I’m in my office with part of the crew. One of the producers has an obsession with my desk and he’s sitting at it to make a phone call. It isn’t the kind of desk like my dad’s big wooden one. No, it is frosted glass that lights up to a light blue. It’s amazingly cool in the dark. I’ve always fantasized of having sex on it, so much so I looked up the weight limit to make sure it can hold it. It’s reinforced and the glass is over an inch thick, so when the time comes, if it does, the desk won’t break.

  My segment on how to grill the perfect steak for the Foodie Network is filming in an hour. I have a live audience of twenty people for the show. Originally, they tried to make me do it in front of a hundred fans. I tried it once, after that, I told the network I would take a maximum of thirty people, but would prefer twenty or less. I like to interact with the audience and don’t feel like I can get up and personal with a great big crowd. There’s a lottery for the tickets on Mondays for shootings on Tuesdays.

  My assistant is, Becky, she’s bubbly and silly, the audience always loves her. We have a good time teasing her on the show because she’s so short. I’m always asking if she needs a step stool to reach the counter. I have no idea how tall she is. Heather said she was probably no taller than five feet. She has a massive amount of dark, curly hair that hangs to her shoulders. She married one of the producers this past spring, so she’s off the fuckable list.

  A quick knock on my door and I hear the handle turn. Becky’s the only one not intimidated by a closed door. “Caide, there’s a guy here to see you. He won’t tell me who he’s with or why he’s here, only said it was important.”

  “Send him in,” I say just as the make-up lady was about to powder my face with her giant make-up brush.

  A big burly guy who would fit in with the guys from Duck Dynasty, with his long beard and messy long hair walks in the room. If he has a facial expression, it is hidden behind his face full of hair. As he walks over to me, the make-up lady hurries to the door. “Are you Caide Palmer?” Big Burly asks.

  “Yes, I am. Can I help you with something?” Did someone send a hit-man after me? This guy could very well be a murderer. Wouldn’t that be something?

  Big Burly has dark brown eyes; they seem to be studying my face before he kills me. He takes the large manila envelope he’s h
olding and holds it out to me. I instinctively take it from him. “Mr. Caide Palmer, you’ve been served. Have a nice day,” he turns towards the door and starts walking.

  “Hey, hold on. What’s this about? I’m being sued for something? You can’t just walk in here and walk away.” I hurry to catch up with him and get between him and the door.

  “Look, I’m only doing my job. I have no idea what’s in the envelope. I wish I could be more help. Have a good day.” He says and I step out of his way, allowing him to walk out the door.

  Served papers? Who is suing me? I turn the deadbolt and walk over to my desk. I set the envelope down and rock back and forth in my chair before I open it. Nothing is good that’s served by a burly man. My desk phone intercom buzzes, shit I forgot to put it on do not disturb.

  “Caide, we’re ready to film,” Becky says.

  “I’ll be out in a few minutes, give everyone a cookie to try for our dessert section.”

  “Okay, but you know the network gets antsy about being on time.”

  “We’re not live, so the network can kiss my ass. I’m not pissed at you Beck, but I need a few minutes. I’ll make it up to the audience.”

  I guess I can’t put it off any longer. I take a pair of scissors and cut it open.

  CARTERET COUNTY COURT

  North Carolina Division of Youth

  And Family Services,

  Alan J. Jones

  Darla A. Jones

  Plaintiff - Respondents

  V

  Caide Joseph Palmer

  Defendant - Appellants

  IN THE MATTER OF CUSTODY - Lucy Marie Palmer - A Minor

  ______________________________________________

  TEMPORARY CUSTODY ORDER

  1. An action has been stated in the above court objecting to the intended relocation of MINOR and requesting the custody decree plan be properly administered.

  2. Emergency custody has been issued to the maternal grandparents PLANTIFF until all orders of the court are honored. The DEFENDANT must appear in court on the designated date to respond to this ORDER.

  3. It is presumed that the court will permit the paternal father of MINOR child to have full custody after court orders are fulfilled. The court may restrain the relocation and modify the paternal parent’s custody to be shared with maternal grandparents as joint custody.

  4. Supervised visitation will be granted to DEFENDANT at hearing on designated date.

  5. Paternity tests to be administered by court appointed provider.

  Temporary order restraining the relocation of MINOR child from Plaintiff’s custody until courts approval.

  I toss the paper across my desk, too pissed off to look at it anymore.

  “FUCK!!!!”

  ____________________________________________

  My attorney’s office is nothing like the fancy offices on television; it’s a small house that was converted into offices. The creaky wood floors remind me of visits to my grandma’s house when I was a kid. The administrative assistant is a girl I went to high school with, she pretends she doesn’t know me. She was always quiet and shy but now she’s assertive and arrogant.

  “Caide, Alex is ready to see you.” She announces.

  Alex’s office is still decorated in her father’s décor. They were going to partner the practice together but her dad died a week after she passed the bar. The only things she changed were she hung up a few family pictures as well as her diploma.

  Alex stands as I enter the room. She’s what my mom calls a handsome woman. She’s thirty or so, and strict looking. I’ve never seen her with her hair down; it is always pulled tight in a bun on the back of her head. My parents started with this firm when they opened up their restaurant in 1993, so I’ve been coming here my entire life. Alex’s dad was nice, he was quirky but nice. He had a nervous tic; it would make him blink really fast in sets of three. It always looked painful to me, but no one ever acted as though they noticed. Funny, the things you remember from childhood.

  “Good afternoon Caide,” Alex says and sits back down. It must be a special occasion, she’s forgone her usual pencil skirt and white blouse. Today she is actually wearing a floral dress with pearls.

  “Hi Alex, did you get my fax?” I’d sent a copy of the paperwork over for her to look at before I arrived. She agreed to see me late in the afternoon since I was working all day.

  She sighs out loud and rattles the papers in front of her. “What did you do to piss off the Jones family?” She laughs, well a laugh for her. “I called their attorney to get an idea of what’s going on. Their daughter died last week and she was living with them with your daughter, is that correct?”

  “Yeah, but that doesn’t explain why I have to do a paternity test. I know I’m her father, what’s the point? They must be grasping at straws. They have the right to forbid me from having Lucy move in with me? What about my rights?” Yeah, what about my fucking rights! I sit down in the leather seat across from her.

  She clicks open a pen and begins writing on a yellow legal pad. Do they use legal pads to feel more legit? “It’s a stall tactic Caide, they are trying to drag out the court dates to either find something on you or to be asses. Knowing their attorney, they’re doing both.”

  “So they can force me to fork over the money for a paternity test even though I’m on her birth certificate? Un-fucking-believable, sorry for the f-bomb.”

  “No problem, don’t worry about it. Yes, they can do anything they want. Their daughter was living in their home with Lucy, so it shows she felt comfortable with them in her life. As far as money goes, when the test comes back positive, the Jones’ will be ordered to reimburse you for the charges. After talking to their attorney, it was mentioned that Heather was a drug user. He is shooting to do a drug test, how do you feel about that? If you’re using, I suggest you flush your system and refrain from using until this blows over.”

  I sit there for a second to gather my thoughts before answering her. “So, it’s okay if I start using drugs after it’s over? I don’t do drugs, it isn’t my thing. I’ve smoked weed, but nothing else. I’ll never do drugs after what happened to Heather, just what Lucy needs, two dead parents.”

  “Before Heather died, when was the last time you saw Lucy?”

  I shift uncomfortably in my seat, knowing it’s going to sound bad. “Heather brought her over the first week of July.”

  “So, you haven’t seen your daughter in over a month and now you’re in a hurry? Make this make sense to me. A judge will ask this question, so you better think about it.”

  “It’s been a busy month…I don’t have a good reason. I’m a fucking loser. I paid my child support though; no one can say I didn’t help support her.” I’m a fucking idiot, my words don’t even sound normal to my own ears.

  Alex sets her pen down and leans forward. “Caide, did you listen to what you just said? Money doesn’t make you a good dad. Kids need their parents and not just because you feel obligated.”

  “I don’t feel obligated; you don’t know anything about me. I love Lucy, she’s my daughter, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about her.”

  “Good, now you have to do some soul searching as to why a judge should award you custody. Blood isn’t all that makes a parent. Back to the drug test, do you have a problem with it?”

  I bite the inside of my cheek as I think about it for a second. “Have them order the drug test, it doesn’t bother me, I have nothing to hide. When can we get this done? I’m planning on visiting Lucy tomorrow.” I sit back for the first time since we sat down.

  “You can’t visit Lucy. They’ve said they want to wait for you to see Lucy until the judge rules on visitations. Don’t worry; we’ll get your daughter. We have court on Monday at 9:00 am. Wear long pants and a pressed shirt, and don’t do anything dumb this weekend.” She checks the time on her cell phone and shuffles her papers together.

  “There isn’t any chance they will get custody of Lucy is there?”
I lean forward with my elbows on my knees.

  “I’ve seen crazier things happen…just stay out of trouble and don’t talk to anyone. With your local fame, people are probably already talking about Heather’s death. Keep your opinions to yourself, and trust no one. Friends will sell your story to the gossip reporters in an instant, especially for money.” She stuffs the papers in a soft-side designer briefcase. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m late for dinner. I’ll see you Monday.”

  In a matter of twenty-five minutes I’m out three-hundred-and-fifty bucks in attorney fees and mad as hell at Heather. It always comes back to Heather.

  ____________________________________________

  Chapter Three

  “Words have no power to impress the mind

  Without the exquisite horror of their reality.”

  ~ Edgar Allan Poe

  “Explain what just happened! What. The. Fuck. Happened in there?” I seethe at Alex.

  She smiles and says between her gritted teeth. “Caide, get your temper under control. You can yell, scream and cuss on the way to my office. Right now, be calm.”

  My dad is on the other side of me, he’s shorter by a couple of inches, which makes me feel really strange when I can see the top of his head. “Son, she’s right,” he places his hand on my shoulder. My mom is glaring straight ahead, and I can tell she wants to scream as much as I do. I look across the corridor of the courthouse and see the Jones’ being escorted out by their lawyer. Fucker! Enemy lines have been drawn, me against them in the fight for my daughter. My daughter!

  I climb into Alex’s Mercedes and wait until we’re on the road before I say anything. Thankfully, my parents drove separately and can’t hear me flip out. “Parenting classes? I have to take fucking parenting classes? The parents of a girl strung out on drugs want ME to take parenting classes? A fucking six weeks course? I can’t see my daughter for six weeks? What the hell is Al Anon? I have to take alcohol support group stuff? Did you know this was going to happen? Answer me, Alex!”